Prathap Nair: Welcome to Record of Change, a podcast featuring conversations with people
Prathap Nair: around the world to understand how the ongoing coronavirus pandemic is shaping their lives.
Prathap Nair: I’m Prathap Nair, your host for this episode.
Prathap Nair: Today, we’re talking to Alan Rocha, a sales professional who lives in Bangalore, India.
Prathap Nair: Alan is a queer millennial who experienced the locked down in Bangalore with his dog and his newly adopted cat.
Prathap Nair: Alan says certain boundaries have blurred in queer people’s lives during the lockdown and in the absence of physical proximity to one another.
Prathap Nair: The lockdown has also been especially trying for closeted queer people who live with their parents.
Prathap Nair: Alan describes it as claustrophobic.
Prathap Nair: One little side note before we head to the episode: In this episode you may notice that the sound quality of the recording is inconsistent.
Prathap Nair: We have had issues with internet connectivity, resulting in patchy recording of the episode.
Prathap Nair: We apologize for it.
Alan: My name is Alan.
Alan: Uh, I'm based in Bangalore in India.
Alan: I’m basically into sales and marketing and I currently work for Saint Gobain India.
Alan: And I'm originally from Kerala in India, but yeah, I currently reside in Coromandel in Bangalore [Bengaluru].
Alan: I have a dog and a cat as companions.
Alan: I recently shifted during the lockdown as well, I mean, while the lockdown restrictions started easing out, I had shifted homes.
Alan: And one main reason why I shifted was that this area was more spacious in a dog friendly neighborhood.
Alan: So I felt the need for, uh, more space, which became very apparent when I and the dog used to spend more time at home.
Alan: So need for space was quite evident and yeah, so though, my pets were quite happy to see me at home, I
Alan: felt like there was a need of space since initially during the lockdown, I was restricted inside home.
Prathap Nair: Interesting.
Prathap Nair: How did you hear about the lockdown?
Alan: So actually we have been hearing of this news since, uh, January.
Alan: And it was highlighted initially for us because the first case of Corona happened to be from Kerala, where I come from.
Alan: By March, I think the cases started picking up in India in general.
Alan: Bangalore wasn't so affected but we could see cases here and there – in some IT parks [work places], someone who traveled from abroad.
Alan: So that time the main stigma was basically for people who traveled from abroad.
Alan: They would be considered, you know - you might be at a risk of getting me infected.
Alan: But yeah, nothing of that sorts around me and Bangalow cases were very less, very negligible and very unlikely.
Alan: So this was in the air...
Alan: So I have a couple of friends that I hang out with and one of them was already wary about the situation and was very precautious.
Alan: And, uh, he was taking all a lot of steps before it blew up to such a proportion, to be safe.
Alan: So we had a very normal weekend, I still remember you went to college when park, we went for breakfast, we took a dog to the dog park for a stroll in the dog park.
Alan: We went for a walk in Cubbon park.
Alan: We came back and then that evening was when our prime minister came on TV and announced
Alan: that there's going to be a lockdown, which is unheard of, at least in my lifetime.
Alan: And I don't think even my parents gone through that…complete lockdown when nobody's allowed to step out.
Alan: So that was a shocker.
Alan: So I still remember, I was a little bit calm and so was my other friend.
Alan: My first main thing, which bothered everybody was how will I get my essentials?
Alan: And there was a lot of uncertainty though.
Alan: The government kept telling us that everything will be normalized.
Alan: They will be essentials provided.
Alan: So I, I still remember telling my friends.
Alan: I think we should just, uh, calm down and not go and buy and standing at Q.
Alan: And because in that three hours before the lockdown was supposed to go on, I remember
Alan: a lot of places were crowded with people trying to ransack and get as much as supplies.
Alan: Because at that point of time it was supposed to last just two weeks.
Alan: It was a total surprise for everybody sitting at home.
Alan: The main thing I felt was, uh, we as boys who stay alone or cook can fend for ourselves.
Alan: We have this habit of ordering in food or getting certain stuff pre-packed from outside.
Alan: So all that changed.
Alan: So that was a big turning point is lockdown when everybody became self sufficient cooks sharing recipes, basically.
Alan: So yes, that was the onset of the whole lockdown in India and Bengaluru.
Prathap Nair: And the lockdown happened, you were not even allowed to go outside.
Prathap Nair: Can you explain
Alan: You're only allowed to go to buy essentials and no going out without masks.
Alan: Though the lockdown was very strictly enforced with all these guidelines, what we saw in the first phase of
Alan: lockdown, as days progressed was, initially, there was fear in people about the whole the pandemic, which happened.
Alan: So nobody even stepped out, you could see, uh, online deliveries shot up like crazy,
Alan: and there were no schedules for deliveries available anytime in the [near] future.
Alan: Earlier for instance, people order food and groceries from an app called big basket - they
Alan: used to get the deliveries done in say two days or [with] the next day delivery.
Alan: But all that changed because there was so much of a heightened demand for everything to be delivered at your doorstep.
Alan: Nobody wanted to step out.
Alan: And so, yeah, that changed.
Alan: So nobody used to step out for the first two weeks of lockdown.
Alan: Nobody used to step out and everybody was in the hopes that - this will get contained, so let's do our part too.
Alan: Be at home and not spread and not get infected.
Alan: So during that first lockdown… I have never seen Bangalore [Bengaluru] so empty.
Alan: I used to take my dog just for a quick walk and just to buy milk in the morning - that was the only time I step out in the day.
Alan: And you can see everybody used to be so apprehensive…
Alan: And these are local kirana shops [mom and pop stores], they used to tie these ropes in front of their shops so that nobody comes in
Alan: close proximity to the shop owner and… Bangalore in general, uh, was a city where I found online payments are a very acceptable norm.
Alan: Uh, say Google Pay or Phone Pay - all these digital platforms.
Alan: And I think that also kind of boomed, because nobody wanted to exchange money either.
Alan: So, yeah, the first two weeks of lockdown were strict.
Alan: And I don't think anybody did stray from the guidelines given they were more worried about it because it's something new for all of us.
Alan: So how do we get our essentials, that was the main worry.
Alan: So we should not run out of food and we don't want to have to go run out and get ourselves exposed.
Alan: So, yes, that was our first two weeks of lockdown.
Alan: Actually, nobody even ventured out for where it had to come to…where you need to check social distancing, because everybody was scared.
Alan: Uh, it was at the second leg of the lockdown when it got extended in May, sorry in April.
Alan: That's when people started venturing out because, by then everybody reached their boiling point of sitting in one place and under one roof.
Alan: So, yeah.
Prathap Nair: Can you describe your lockdown experience?
Alan: Honestly speaking, uh, on a personal note, I'm a very, uh, I would say, like a lone Wolf.
Alan: I don't mind staying by myself.
Alan: I'm very content with what I do.
Alan: Yes.
Alan: Uh, the only thing was, um, I couldn’t meet my friends though the only time I meet my friends is during the weekend even during normal times.
Alan: So that was something which was being missed out..
Alan: not going out and just, you know, just I've been stuck at one place.
Alan: Yes.
Alan: That was a little frustrating but I was not really depressed or stressed out by the fact that I have to be locked in throughout.
Alan: I work in sales so there's a lot of traveling in and around the city, which needs to be done.
Alan: And I used to dread sometimes doing that and I will be like, I would love to work from home.
Prathap Nair: Yeah, but still, I mean, during regular times you have the freedom to
Prathap Nair: go out whenever you want to go with friends and so on, but this was extraordinary.
Prathap Nair: So tell me about your dog and your cat.
Alan: Oh, my dog is now with me for two years.
Alan: And just before the lockdown, so what happened was my dog used to be at home.
Alan: I live alone.
Alan: So my dog and me are just companions or roommates, if you can call it.
Alan: Uh, so when I used to go out for work, he used to be predominantly alone at home.
Alan: So I thought, okay, I thought getting him a companion would help him spend this time during the day
Alan: when I'm not at home, because he faces separation anxiety, where he gets a little anxious when I leave.
Alan: I was damn sure I was not going to get another dog for a companion.
Alan: So I happened to go with a friend of mine and he was getting a few birds.
Alan: And that home from where the friend was checking out birds, there was a cat with two kittens and the owner of the home was like, yeah, put it up for adoption.
Alan: So I don't know, in the spur of the moment, I thought, okay, let me just adopt the cat and see how it goes.
Alan: So I just got the cat and she was two months old and I brought her home and I think four or five days after that, the whole lockdown situation started.
Alan: I call her penny because she stole Toby’s spot in reference to big bang theory.
Prathap Nair: In a city like Bangalore or in any city in India, if you're a single man, it's difficult to find a flat.
Prathap Nair: And if you're a single man with the dog, it's even more difficult.
Prathap Nair: And if you're a single man with a dog and a cat, it's probably the most difficult thing to find a flat, but you were lucky.
Alan: So, yeah, I was lucky because the landlord of this home is my dear friend.
Alan: So that really helped, otherwise, finding a home where dogs are allowed…
Prathap Nair: So it seems like your locked down is probably an ideal scenario.
Prathap Nair: You're locked down with your dog and your cat.
Prathap Nair: But there are other people like this friend of ours, who is locked with his mother.
Prathap Nair: Are there other people, uh, in lockdown scenarios like that?
Prathap Nair: Queer people who cannot be out to their parents who are in a vulnerable situation, do you know of any of them?
Alan: I know a few, uh, friends of mine who actually live with their parents…they are not out to their parents.
Alan: So they cannot step out saying that I'm going to meet some friends of mine because at that point of time, uh, that was not the norm to be doing.
Alan: So it was very difficult for them because first, uh, they're not getting to meet any of their friends and also from friends from the community or even dates.
Alan: So, uh, my situation also, if you see, I'm actually in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend who lives in Chennai and I in Bangalore.
Alan: Every month we meet and either I go to Chennai or he comes to Bangalore.
Alan: So this lockdown situation also caused a disruption to that because we were just basically six months into the relationship
Alan: or dating each other and getting to know each other, uh, before this whole thing disrupted the whole situation.
Alan: So this September actually makes it a year and we tell each other that six months cannot be counted because this has gone up in the air.
Alan: So I'm sure like me, there are a lot of others who are facing the similar situation.
Alan: Because now since you are at home, you don't really have the freedom to talk freely as well.
Alan: Because when you have your folks around you, they keep their ear, eavesdrop on what you're talking or
Alan: they are always around, so you don't get to talk freely when you're not open and out to your parents.
Alan: Because, not always we talk all rosy and polite, so we do discuss a lot of scandalous things as well.
Prathap Nair: Privacy is not a notion in Indian families…
Alan: No, it's not.
Alan: So.
Alan: That is something I'm sure I would have felt really claustrophobic if I would have had this
Alan: lockdown at home…because I'm used to staying by myself and I have this sense of privacy.
Alan: But if I was at home though, I'm out to my parents, but I still cannot freely talk about these things.
Alan: Or even if I talk, normally I don't have that sense of privacy that I need for myself.
Alan: So I can talk or be myself or be free and do whatever I want to because you're living under their roof.
Alan: So they will keep an eye on you.
Alan: So I'm sure a lot of, lot of my friends are a lot of other people in the community are facing this issue because they are living with their parents.
Alan: So there were situations also where their parents came visiting them and they were supposed to return back.
Alan: And because of the pandemic, they are stuck in Bangalore, living with him, uh, for a long period of time because they can't go back.
Alan: So yeah, it has caused a lot of inconvenience and lots of privacy, especially for those who are closeted.
Alan: Because they have to be more on the vigil now that they can’t be free.
Prathap Nair: Yeah.
Prathap Nair: So how has lockdown and the pandemic curtailed other freedoms in your life, particularly in a queer person's life?
Prathap Nair: You’re in a long distance relationship, yet, you go out for drinks, you meet other people.
Prathap Nair: Do you go on dates?
Prathap Nair: All that has been completely shut down or are you still meeting people?
Alan: So when I started dating him, I was in a closed relationship.
Alan: I was not meeting anybody and my close friends are the only ones I used to meet.
Alan: So this six months actually, we both haven't had sex in six months and it has been really a dry spell if you can put it like that.
Alan: So I think recently we just decided that, okay, we don't know how the situation is going to be and sex is a need.
Alan: So we don't want to impose any restrictions on each other where, uh, we get frustrated basically, and it will strain our relationship in the long run.
Alan: So we just recently decided, okay, let's offer an option that we go and we meet other people and socialize
Alan: too, or even have a one night stand or sex with others so that we don't frustrate and stay in isolation.
Alan: So that's something that you recently decided.
Alan: And actually he's coming to meet me out for six months this month.
Alan: So we'll have a sit down and talk all the do's and don'ts because I have never, I have done this before and it did not end well.
Alan: So yeah, I think I’ll sit down with him with clear instructions on do's and don'ts that will help, but yes, it was difficult.
Prathap Nair: So you've not met any new people in the past six months…
Alan: No I haven't.
Alan: Um, first of all, I think the whole, hookup culture has come to a full stop.
Alan: In Bangalore it’s not STDs that were of concern but now it's the pandemic that they [might] get infected, you won't even know when it hits you.
Alan: So I think it all came to a full stop during the pandemic.
Alan: So I think everything stands still, because I remember, uh, after the lockdown started, initial two weeks, I used to get messages from people [with whom] I haven't
Alan: spoken to for months because I think everybody was very sexually frustrated because from just sitting at home and, uh, self-help can only take so much, right.
Alan: So I remember the amount of messages from people, which I'm sure it's just not me, but others also would have
Alan: gotten where people were just reaching out to others and the whole concept of voice calls change into video
Alan: calls, which became the norm because earlier video calls were considered to be a very, uh, invasion of privacy.
Alan: Like why is this guy calling me on video call?
Alan: It is only if you're comfortable and you know, it's a known person, people go on a video call, but that has changed now everything the norm
Alan: is now video call… if you're calling me, you're going to do a video call with the other, because I think that brought down the distance.
Prathap Nair: It [the pandemic] has blurred the boundaries.
Prathap Nair: Yeah, because now people know that you're home, you're not traveling.
Prathap Nair: You're just home, might as well answer the call.
Alan: It's not so much of an invasion of privacy because all of us are in the same boat…
Prathap Nair: Yeah, that's very interesting.
Prathap Nair: So you have, you must also have a lot of single friends who could not meet and date other people in this pandemic.
Prathap Nair: How are they, how are they taking it other than the video messages that you to speak of?
Alan: Yeah, it was difficult for, uh, cause I have a friend who's single and most of my friends are all taken.
Alan: So he, uh, he found it difficult because, he just thought, let me just put myself out there and start
Alan: dating and see how it goes, because he was also a fed up of the culture of just sleeping around.
Alan: He wanted to do something meaningful and see how it went.
Alan: I mean, not with the idea that he needs to pursue that rigorously, but he just wants to keep himself open.
Alan: So that came to a standstill and yeah, it was difficult for him.
Alan: And on top of that, he's a doctor.
Alan: And at that point of time, doctors are considered taboo in India, because you could be exposed too.
Prathap Nair: Tell me about that.
Prathap Nair: Why were doctors considered taboo?
Alan: Because everybody had a notion that okay, now people working in a hospital are in close proximity
Alan: to those with infection, I do not want to interact with anybody who can get it - the infection.
Alan: So even when, if, suppose I had tested positive and I did recover, but still I'll be considered as you know, uh, a black mark in this society.
Alan: And I would not want to, nobody would want to come and talk to me, just keep a distance from me.
Alan: They would help me for sure, but they will all want to keep distance from me.
Alan: Cause they were really, really scared about the disease back then, when the pandemic started.
Alan: So he found it tough too.
Alan: So he couldn't really go and say that I'm a doctor because earlier being a doctor, everybody
Alan: was like, okay, well I have someone at my disposal that I can go for quick medical advices…
Alan: Yeah they were discriminated against.
Alan: I'm sure you would have seen articles in India where people were pelting stones at doctors
Alan: trying to be helpful and do mapping of the primary contact of the pandemic patients.
Alan: People were kicked out of their rented homes -- that they're like, go find another place to live.
Alan: So, yeah, it was difficult for him.
Alan: So, I mean, [even] if he had a chance and there were people during the lockdown that took [the] risk of meeting other people, still, he was in a category
Alan: of people that people still think twice, because he's a doctor who has a high chance of, uh, infection because he's in the field, fighting the pandemic.
Prathap Nair: you said, uh, your job involved a lot of travel and now you're working from home… how has your job affected?
Alan: Yeah.
Alan: So, uh, me being in sales and any salesperson would agree to this predominantly our work is mostly face to face interactions, uh, where we meet people in person.
Alan: Whereas whether it be a pitch or any problem resolution, yes, we, we can do a segment
Alan: of work through our calls, but if something needs to be done, it has to be face to face.
Alan: So that really changed.
Alan: First of all, when the lockdown hit, in brought business to a standstill - there was nothing to do.
Alan: Nobody knew what to do.
Alan: So the company was in scrambles, uh, trying to figure out what to do next, because at the start of the lockdown,
Alan: when it started in March, end of March, we have every notion that it was only going to last for two weeks.
Alan: This was an opportunity of two weeks to just introspect and think of strategies of how to come out of it.
Alan: Never did they think that it would prolong for two months.
Alan: So every business got impacted.
Alan: So, these two months I think the whole, uh, company's way of working changed, everything has mostly turned into virtual meetings.
Alan: So, yeah, now we are still learning to get into the new normal of only virtual meetings, getting things done virtually, which was never a novel idea in sales.
Alan: Imagine now the builders, they were saying that since customers are not stepping out…they
Alan: are not coming and seeing the mockup flats of apartments, they want to do it virtually.
Alan: So they're [builders] taking a video of mockup flats so that they can get to see.
Alan: So they are not coming in visiting in person.
Alan: A colleague of mine who was in the building segment, he was saying actually, uh, purchasing homes were on a spike during the lockdown.
Alan: So not only a spike in purchasing but also in enquiries…because people were sitting at home, so they had
Alan: thought, okay, we had this in the back burner, we thought we'll just take it up front and do it right now.
Alan: So they were saying that they were getting a lot of enquiries regarding sales or, I mean, virtual tours of the apartments.
Alan: So that didn't really slow down.
Alan: The only thing which slowed down for the real estate here was that construction came to a standstill.
Alan: People are trying to accept the fact that there is a pandemic going on in the background, but I cannot stop living.
Alan: I need to survive.
Prathap Nair: So the pace of life basically slowed down in Bangalore.
Alan: Actually, it has slowed down and people started to appreciate the beauty because Bangalore was known as the garden city.
Alan: And unfortunately, yes, the garden is diminishing every year, but I think, uh, during the pandemic time they've got to appreciate whatever's left to enjoy…
Prathap Nair: Okay.
Prathap Nair: When do you think you'll be able to go back to office or be able to meet your clients?
Alan: See, I'm still going out.
Alan: So when the unlock happened in late May and June, we were already going out in the market.
Alan: Uh, the unlock started in June is when the government decided in grades, how they will open the economy.
Alan: So in May officially, there were certain restrictions, so only people with urgency for the need to travel used to travel and commute in the month of May.
Alan: In June when things opened up, uh, things changed basically.
Alan: So then people started going out actually for work, reporting for work in the office with limited capacity and with alternating shifts.
Alan: In Bangalore, malls were allowed to open up.
Alan: Just in the month of September that they opened after so many months of closure.
Alan: But the thing is, as soon as the mall opened up in Chennai, they did record sales.
Alan: It always puzzled me because I don't know where people wear clothes and go to these days, because even I don't know where to wear my [new] clothes too.
Alan: Cause I don't know where to wear [new] clothes to if you don't go out anymore.
Alan: But yeah.
Alan: A lot of people are actually leveraging a lot of discounts to just at least boost things up.
Prathap Nair: There's a reason it's called retail therapy because it’s therapeutic.
Alan: Yeah.
Alan: Definitely in that sense.
Prathap Nair: Good to know.
Prathap Nair: It was lovely talking to you, Alan.
Prathap Nair: Thank you so much for spending the time to talk to me and we will talk to you in the next season.
Prathap Nair: I'll reach out to you in a month or so.
Prathap Nair: That was Alan.
Prathap Nair: He will return in the second season with life updates and on the situation in Bangalore.
Prathap Nair: Next week, Fidaa Shurrab who lives in the Gaza strip and works for an NGO will talk to my colleague Matthias on the effects of COVID in Palestine.
Prathap Nair: Stay tuned.
Prathap Nair: Follow us on your favourite podcast provider and look for us on Twitter, Instagram, YouTube or our website, recordofchange.com.
Prathap Nair: This podcast is implemented with and by members of the Bosch Alumni Network, a community that brings together
Prathap Nair: former and current fellows, grantees and staff members of the Robert Bosch Stiftung and its partners.